Part 2

Section 3
April 4th, 2010
No sex equals hysteria which equals war fever and leader worship. That is what they have done to us. No more than that. Just tricking us in their little ways. I have been seeing Julia. A lot. Lately, I have been able to talk to her about anything that I want to without feeling regret or that I have brought her into my life too much. I told her about Katherine. I told her about how she was always so aware of her surrondings, but stupid in a way. Katherine had always felt as if she needed to obey the commands. I told Julia that when Katherine and I were hiking, and got lost from the group, I saw these two flowers. They were different colors! I had never ever seen flowers of two different colors. But they were far below. In a gap of a cliff. And when I had told Katherine, I could see on her face that she was intersted but scared to act interested in any way. Julia was curios. I knew she was because Julia never really asks questions about my life. I am the one always asking her the questions. But she asked me why I had not pushed her off the cliff. I said that I wished I had. I wished I did because I could always feel that negative energy coming off of her and onto me. I knew that Katherine had hated me in everyway possible. I just knew it. But for some reason, I knew that I didn't push her because of a reason. And that reason lies along the horizon, but I cannot reach it.


Section 4
April 4th, 2010
Some people may underestimate privacy. But no one knows anymore how valuable anyone's privacy is. And, I feel that people should embrace their privacy as much as they can, before it goes. I had gotten real food from Julia today. Tea, coffee, choclate, bread and jam. They tasted so good no one could imagine the wonderful taste of it. We met in a rundown apartment. And when she brought it to me, I felt loved. I felt loved because I knew that she cared for me. And that food was just one part that made me happy. Julia did not just get food-she got makeup. She said she does not want to be a part of the party anymore. She does not want to be known as 'Comarade' anymore. Julia said it was hard to get, but she said one day, she will get female clothing, so that she will not have to wear overalls. But, today I learned that you can't look good. You have to live life good.

Section 5
April 4th, 2010
Syme just dissapered. I knew it. He knew way too much. I think that they knew. But no one had seemed to care that Syme had dissapered. I guess that is why they vaporize people unkonowingly. Maybe it was because he 'rebeled'. But it can't be because the only ways to rebel was if you killed someone or blew something up. Julia and I were talking a lot. She told me that the wars that they say are going on, are actually not going on at all. They just say so to keep the people scared and feel unaware of what is actually happening. She also says that they just drop rocket bombs to have people feel that the war is real and we are 'fighting' someone. But they are all lies. And Julia and I know it. They cannot dupe us like all the others. We know more than the Party knows. The party thinks that they know everything, but they don't. They hardly know about anything that happens. And in my opinion, the Party will go down eaisly. They will go down because they don't know how much power some people have. It is all because they can't truly get inside us.

Section 6
April 4th, 2010
When a person is killed, it becomes as if they had never exisited. As if they didn't even have a life. As if no one knew them...
I saw O'Brian. He was talking to me about newspeak and how their is a 10th edition dictionary of newspeak. He came up to me first. He complimented me on how well I write. But I know that I do not write that well and I know why he truly came over to me. He pretended that I was going to his place for the dictionary. He gave me his address. He gave me a look that I know too well.

Section 7
April4th, 2010
I don't think people think about how it hurts to dream. It hurts because it causes a pain in my heart. It is a pain that is not physical, but is emotional. I woke up next to Julia. I was crying. I knew she could barely recall what I was saying; because she was half asleep. But, It was about my Mother. I knew that I murdered her. Not physically, but mentally. It was something that was in my dream that had concluded me to believe this. I do not know why, but I have a feeling that I was the one that made her die. It wasn't her age, or health..but me.
I have realized that we are not realy human. Yes, we are alive, but dead on the outside. The way we believe things so eaisly and the the way that we don't care about anything but Big Brother. They can get inside us, but not in our heads. They can touture us, but they still can't get in our head.

Section 8
April 4th, 2010
We met O'Brien. He was able to turn off the telescreen! I knew it all along, he was against the party and worked for Goldstein. I knew that I had a connection with him. But for some reason, I felt that I was ready to work against the party the whole time I've lived.