Part 3: Section 6

Section 6
April 22, 2010
I saw the mid-day bullentins today. They said that we were going to have an important message today. I also had a l0t of Victory Gin. I will always hate the putrid smell of it-the oil. It smells so bad I don't know how I can drink it. I saw..the girl. We know that we both betrayed eachother, but it is okay. I continued with my life playing chess, and the announcment said taht we were finally done with war with Eurasia! I knew that this had been it. This is why I thank Big Brother.

Section 3: Parts 4 and 5

Sections 3: Part 4
April 21, 2010
They were treating me kindly. For awhile they were giving me full meals and even three courses with meat! They gave me a pack of cigarrettes too, but sometimes it felt wrong to smoke them, after all the drugs they put in my system. I know that when the Party says the Earth is flat, the Earth is flat. When the Party says ice is heavier than water, ice is heavier than weater. When the Part says 2+2=5, well then, I have to know 2+2=5. But, I still ahte Big Brother. I always will. I don't know why I do, but I feel that I always will. And that is why I was sent to Room 101.


Section 3: Part 5
April 21, 2010
No. No, please no. I begged not for Room 101. It was horrible. I did not know what was going to happen to me. Until O'Brien said it, and I saw it. The rats. O'Brien said that they could eat my alive. All because I was in the worst room in the world. They could do anything to me. Anything that they want to. And they did. Torture me with the rats that gave me the fear of no fear I have ever had. I saw them and I wanted to get out of the chair. I wanted to scream. But they didn't let me. They just let me fall.

Part 3: Sections 2 and 3

Section 2
April 20th, 2010
They inject you with drugs. I know it because in the cells, a man in a white coat did that to me. After, that I could not remember anything that I had thought of before or how long I was waiting in that room with all the other prisinors. The party questioned me until I was crying-weeping, and gasping with pain, until I could not take it any more. I had told them that I was a sexual pervert, I had killed my wife, I was a spy and that I was with the Brotherhood. Nothing had upset me more because I had realized that my whole life was given up..to them. And I now know that 2+2=5. Even though I really know it is 4.

Section 3
April 20th, 2010
I think they make up people so that we have someone to hate. O'Brien had said that he 'helped' write part of the Goldstein book, but I think that he is 'Goldstein'. Not really, but writing the book. The Nazis and the Communists were the whole idea to hepl the Party get started. I did not believe it, but then agian, Big Brother came to mind again. I learned that Torture is Torture and that power is power and it really does not matter. The Party can take control of matter, by just ruling your mind. It is not fair at all, but because the Party controls everything, I could see why they can control matter. Everything is making sense a bit. Even Big Brother is. But I have figured out that if Big Brother really does not exist, then neither do I.

Section 3: Part 1

Section 3: Part 1
April 19th, 2010
The room. The people. The smell. The ache of hunger pains that linger in my stomach. I could not take it anymore. And I do not get how I was supposed to live without going to-Room 101. I was in prison already, in a cell, with criminals who could care less about anyone. I feel that my love for Julia was been vanished in a sign that I do not care much about her naymore. I can only think about what is around me. And that woman, who's name is Smith. The one that may be my Mother. But, I may never get to see her again, after I realize that O'Brien workers for Big Brother...

Sections 9 and 10

Section 9
April 5th, 2010
I brought my suitcase to the Hate Week. It probably was not a good idea because I had dropped it, and everyone had noticed that I had dropped it. I read Golstein's book to Julia today. She said that it was marvelous, but then she had later fell asleep. I feel that Goldstein's book is understandable, but I just do not get why he said all this. What did he mean by it? I get why he wrote it but why it really mean's something. If I had known better, I would have taken the time to understand it, but I had gotten tired. My perspective on the world is much different than I though it would be.

Section 10
April 5th, 2010
It can not be. It just can not. I was laying with Julia today and she woke up. We were both hungry and we had decided to get something to eat. I had gotten up, and we had decided to get dressed. But, all the sudden-we were talking. Then we were repeated by a cold iron voice. We did not know where it had came from but saw that it came from behind the picture! The picture had a telescreen hiding behiind it and they were listening to everything that we were saying. I am not only extremely confused and mad-but Mr. Charrlington was all behind this. He did not look like an old man-but a cruel, hard dipicable man. He was under disguis and I did not even know it. It just hurt me to know that Julia and I can never be together without someone watching us. I truly understand why Big Brother never turns his back on anyone.

Part 2

Section 3
April 4th, 2010
No sex equals hysteria which equals war fever and leader worship. That is what they have done to us. No more than that. Just tricking us in their little ways. I have been seeing Julia. A lot. Lately, I have been able to talk to her about anything that I want to without feeling regret or that I have brought her into my life too much. I told her about Katherine. I told her about how she was always so aware of her surrondings, but stupid in a way. Katherine had always felt as if she needed to obey the commands. I told Julia that when Katherine and I were hiking, and got lost from the group, I saw these two flowers. They were different colors! I had never ever seen flowers of two different colors. But they were far below. In a gap of a cliff. And when I had told Katherine, I could see on her face that she was intersted but scared to act interested in any way. Julia was curios. I knew she was because Julia never really asks questions about my life. I am the one always asking her the questions. But she asked me why I had not pushed her off the cliff. I said that I wished I had. I wished I did because I could always feel that negative energy coming off of her and onto me. I knew that Katherine had hated me in everyway possible. I just knew it. But for some reason, I knew that I didn't push her because of a reason. And that reason lies along the horizon, but I cannot reach it.


Section 4
April 4th, 2010
Some people may underestimate privacy. But no one knows anymore how valuable anyone's privacy is. And, I feel that people should embrace their privacy as much as they can, before it goes. I had gotten real food from Julia today. Tea, coffee, choclate, bread and jam. They tasted so good no one could imagine the wonderful taste of it. We met in a rundown apartment. And when she brought it to me, I felt loved. I felt loved because I knew that she cared for me. And that food was just one part that made me happy. Julia did not just get food-she got makeup. She said she does not want to be a part of the party anymore. She does not want to be known as 'Comarade' anymore. Julia said it was hard to get, but she said one day, she will get female clothing, so that she will not have to wear overalls. But, today I learned that you can't look good. You have to live life good.

Section 5
April 4th, 2010
Syme just dissapered. I knew it. He knew way too much. I think that they knew. But no one had seemed to care that Syme had dissapered. I guess that is why they vaporize people unkonowingly. Maybe it was because he 'rebeled'. But it can't be because the only ways to rebel was if you killed someone or blew something up. Julia and I were talking a lot. She told me that the wars that they say are going on, are actually not going on at all. They just say so to keep the people scared and feel unaware of what is actually happening. She also says that they just drop rocket bombs to have people feel that the war is real and we are 'fighting' someone. But they are all lies. And Julia and I know it. They cannot dupe us like all the others. We know more than the Party knows. The party thinks that they know everything, but they don't. They hardly know about anything that happens. And in my opinion, the Party will go down eaisly. They will go down because they don't know how much power some people have. It is all because they can't truly get inside us.

Section 6
April 4th, 2010
When a person is killed, it becomes as if they had never exisited. As if they didn't even have a life. As if no one knew them...
I saw O'Brian. He was talking to me about newspeak and how their is a 10th edition dictionary of newspeak. He came up to me first. He complimented me on how well I write. But I know that I do not write that well and I know why he truly came over to me. He pretended that I was going to his place for the dictionary. He gave me his address. He gave me a look that I know too well.

Section 7
April4th, 2010
I don't think people think about how it hurts to dream. It hurts because it causes a pain in my heart. It is a pain that is not physical, but is emotional. I woke up next to Julia. I was crying. I knew she could barely recall what I was saying; because she was half asleep. But, It was about my Mother. I knew that I murdered her. Not physically, but mentally. It was something that was in my dream that had concluded me to believe this. I do not know why, but I have a feeling that I was the one that made her die. It wasn't her age, or health..but me.
I have realized that we are not realy human. Yes, we are alive, but dead on the outside. The way we believe things so eaisly and the the way that we don't care about anything but Big Brother. They can get inside us, but not in our heads. They can touture us, but they still can't get in our head.

Section 8
April 4th, 2010
We met O'Brien. He was able to turn off the telescreen! I knew it all along, he was against the party and worked for Goldstein. I knew that I had a connection with him. But for some reason, I felt that I was ready to work against the party the whole time I've lived.

Part 2: Sections 1 and 2

Section 1:
April 1st, 2010
I saw the girl. Yes, she fell today and how come I did not start a conversation with her? Well, I do not know. Honestly, it seems that the world is against me in various ways that I cannot explain. I tend to get nervous when I am around her, but then, I become mad and then almost envy her.
But when she fell, she dropped a note. I later read it, but, it said love. It said I love you. What is this supposed to mean? It sent a huge flurry through my stomach and I wondered what it really meant. Is 'I love you' supposed to mean somthing grand? Well, I do not know.
The thing that made my day was that I had actually talked to the girl. She wanted me to meet her somewhere...special. I saw her after I had lunch and I knew I wanted to talk to her. I was even going to sit with her. But then Wilsher had wanted me to sit with him. After I ate with him, she came to me. With her brown hair and pale skin perfect looking. We were going to meet in a special place.
*********************************************************************************
We met in a squirmy place. She told me to go to Paddington Station. A place where there was no telescreens or microphones. And from this moment on, if someone heard me, I could care less because of how my emotions felt from then on.

Section 2:
April 1, 2010
I was too early. I did not see her until I met her in that place. The place where I felt comftorable and safe because I hidden by the trees. The blubell's that fell were soothing against my eyes. And then, she came. We did not speak loud at all. She knew there was no microphones. No telescreens. But we had to keep quiet because our voices could travel.
We talked in the most faint voices so that we could not let anyone hear us. Fortunatley, no one did. But, she had kissed me. She said she was Julia. I told her that I was nothing but a 39 year old who has fake teeth and leathery skin. But she said that she did not care. She just knew that I was against..them.
Nothing much else happened. We had slept in the sun. And had kissed. But still, nothing could make me attracted to woman. Not even Julia...

Section 1: What has happened..

March 30th, 2010
(Parts of Section 1)
Big brother is not your friend. I do not want to believe it, but I feel that he is no help at all. I do think some people share the same..'thoughts'..as me, but, I know most do not mind him. I know I am doing a tremendous crime, but if there are no laws, I am not breaking any law. Life is as colorless as life can get. But, I try and ignore it in any way possible. But everytime I try not to think of how bad life is, I think of 'the girl'. The brown haired one that I feel is a thought police spy. I always find her staring at me. It makes me feel..wierd, in a way that I can not describe. And I always seem to hate her with so much hate, that it seems like love. Even though it feels as if most people are against others, it always sends nervous feelings through my body and I can not help but quiver.
Today was not anything special. All it was the horrible workout that sends pains throughout my body and nothing but moody feelings against the woman hosting the exercising. We saw some of the war. The war is not anything special. The days drag on. But, their was one thing that has caught my senses-the coffee. The smell, not of Victory Coffee-but coffee! The real type, that smells fresh and nothing but good and pure. The old man was a nice fellow, and he seemed to know more about 'back then' then any of us folks. But most of all I sit here and wonder of how he can keep all the memories with him. Unlike me. Of how I try to remember my mother, and myself as a child. But those memories have seemed to grow old with my age, and faded away, to the point where they seemed they have never happened.
-Winston